The Beauty of an Anxious Heart

You know why they say listen to your gut? It’s because 99% of the time, it’s trying to tell you something that your brain or your heart haven’t realized or wont listen too. There is a reason for anxiousness, for the panic feeling you get, the stomach ache that you can’t shake. For me, these feelings were a pain. I could never fully decipher what they meant, or why they had to appear. All I knew was that something in my life wasn’t working and I had to fix it in order to feel better.

As hurtful as this feeling is, and as much of a pain as it is to deal with, it’s definitely something worth spending some time dealing with. Anxiousness is uncomfortable. I viewed it as a feeling that could potentially bring drama. I viewed it as an unwelcome emotion. This was always my perception.

As I have recently had to deal with these feelings, and come to terms with some things, I realized that anxiousness is one of the greatest gifts God as given us. This might come as shock, or confusing to most of you, so let me explain.

I realized that this feeling was a sign telling me that something in my life wasn’t working. I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to be doing, I wasn’t following God’s path. This thought came as a burden, but also a relief. In certain areas of my life, I was always stressed out, worried, and unhappy. I had made some mistakes, and now I needed to focus on fixing them. This feeling brought a sense of humility, knowing that this plan I had created was not working, and I was not following His path for me. This feeling I then realized, is a way for God to tell us that we are straying, we are making our lives hurt a little too much, but that I also have a way out of this pain.

As I have been a Christian for a very long time, I unfortunately sometimes take advantage of His good works and Glory. I get too comfortable. And over time, I forget whose life I’m really living. Anxiousness is a way of Him reminding me to stop trying to control my own life. When I try to take the reigns, It never seems to work out as well as when He is in control.

Anxiousness is a relief, telling me that I don’t have to hurt any longer. It’s a reminder that I need to take a look at my life again, and make sure I am following the straight and narrow.  It’s a reminder that there is something better out there than focusing on the immediate in my life. And while I don’t believe you can ever “fall off” God’s path as a Christian, someone very important to me put it into perspective. “We each have a path, orchestrated by God. However, we can choose to make this path as straight or as windy as we please. It can be straightforward and focused, or it can take a few turns along the way.” He never leaves us, but we do have the ability to choose how this path looks to us. Notice, how no one ever said it would be easy. Because that, we are not promised. We are told there will be trials and tribulation. However, we can decided how focused we are on The Lord.

We will each go through multiple moments in our lives that are unfortunate, uncomfortable and “un-fun”. Through these though, we will each grow, come to appreciate what we have previously taken for granted, and come through the other side for the better. When you are feeling anxious, take it as a welcome message from God, reminding you of his love and compassion.

Whats Next?: Following THE Path

Life moves faster and faster the older you get. If you are in college, a new young adult in the real world, or a seasoned vet in this game we call life, I don’t have to tell you this. You already know. And we hear it all the time. This is not a new phrase, However, this is something that continues to surprise all of us. And especially more at certain times than others.

In 1 week, my fiance will be graduating from college. This is a dream come true. Most college students awaits this day, counting down classes, tests and days from the day they get to college. (Not all, as some wish to live in this state for the rest of their life, but most want to be done with school forever and never take another test).

The future is bright.

The possibilities endless.

Your dreams can come true.

You can do whatever you want.

But can you really?

If you stop for a second and look at the bigger picture, look at where you are and what you are doing, do you notice anything. For most of you reading this, we are almost all in the same state. You are either in college, about to go to college, or have graduated. This is a blessing, an incredible opportunity we are told. And truly it is! To have a higher education is a privilege. But we don’t treat it as such. Its our “path”. It’s what we are supposed to do.

Go to school: Get into college

Go to college: Get a Job

Get the best Job you can: Always look for something more.

Make more money. Make more money.

Live for that 1 or 2 week vacation.

Repeat.

Are we sure we want this path? Or is this just what we are used to? Is this just what we are supposed to do? At least as best as we can.

There is a trend going around, and I personally know of one person to do this, to drop everything, move to a beautiful place, have a way lower end paying job, and live your life like a dream. While this sounds incredible, it’s almost looked down upon. They are called “crazy”, “flight-y”, and maybe even “irresponsible”. These people are choosing to focus on other joys in life, and not just money.

While I don’t have the personality to drop everything, run with the wind and see where life takes me, I am inspired by these people. Some are actually irresponsible, not making wise decisions. I don’t condone this idea for them. But some of them have a point. You spend all this time to get the money to be able to go to these beautiful places, so stressed out for 51 weeks out of the year, to be able to “recharge” in one week. To me, this is all due to the incessant focus on one thing. Money. Status. Power.

For some reason, I fully believe that if we are being honest with ourselves, this is not truly everything we want. We want a life that means something, a life that is happy, a life full of joy, a life of less stress. These people who have decided to live in a place that you normally wait all year for, in exchange for a high paying salary. Wouldn’t you take half the money to be able to live in your favorite vacation spot?

This is not my dream. I don’t desire to live at the beach. But I do desire to live a life that is not just focused on money. I almost didn’t go to college. Never felt like I needed it. It didn’t feel like my path. But I went anyways. (Don’t get me wrong, college is important, and wonderful, but we forget that we don’t all have to have the same path, do the same thing.) While I don’t regret it for a second, I’m constantly reminded that I don’t want a life like everyone else. I’m not content with graduating college, finding the best job I can, and making as much money as I can. I want more than this. I personally want to make a difference. I want a life that means something.

Everyone wants something different, but as I am making big changes in my life, I encourage you to take a step back, and make sure you are living your life for more than to just be someone who makes more money than others. There is more to life and more to happiness than money. Weigh your options. You can be happy with less money, with a different job, or in a different area. These people might be smarter than the rest of us. They very well might have it figured out.

Find what makes you happy, and stop always looking for more. You’ll never be content.

Street Style

Evan-85 Evan-86 Evan-89 Evan-92 Evan-94 Evan-97 Evan-98 Evan-100 Evan-102

Mixing it up towards the end of this winter season. I couldn’t wait to get back into my white jeans! I’m getting pretty tired of leggings and dark jeans. Ready for Spring and lighter colors! (I just went majorly shopping and I can’t wait to share those new brands, clothes and colors with y’all!

Shirt: Dress and Bless

Jeans: (can’t find exact ones as I have had them for years, but here are some VERY similar ones) AG Jeans

Shoes: Steve Madden (I can’t find anything like them! Im going to keep looking! But the material is suede.)

Office to Dinner

Evan-42 Evan-46 Evan-51 Evan-53

Evan-56 Evan-60 Evan-64

How many times do you end up in a situation where you dressed for the day, and end up needing a nicer outfit as you move locations or activities? Most of the time, I never have time to go home and change, freshen up and make sure I look presentable for dinner. These days, when I know my schedule for the day is full of back to back activities, I make sure and wear something where I know I wont look like I didn’t even try to be presentable for dinner. (aka: dress well to feel better).

I love this top. I can through a blazer over it to be more formal for work, or just wear it with jeans as a a nicer, put together outfit. With the beaded detail at the top, the softer white color, and the clean cut edges, this top is good quality and ready for anything. No need for extra accessories, as those pearls add all the extra umph you need! The white color adds a more relaxed look, the peplum and details make it dinner ready.

Top: Dress and Bless